I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
