if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He better not be in your backpack
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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