Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
