And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize