Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
