dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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