dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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