she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
