His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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