dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
