He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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