Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
