and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize