why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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