it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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