Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
