he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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