Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
