Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
