Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
