She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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