I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
