At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
