i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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