I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
