why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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