she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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