Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
