I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
