i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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