Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize