It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
