At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
