Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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