dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
