my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Congratulations! We have a period
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