never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
