thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize