Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
