Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
