Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When are your genitals available?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
