god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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