The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
