I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize