Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
