Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
