you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
