Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
