I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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