I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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