Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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