My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
