i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
