Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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