How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
