guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
