Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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