Dual....:-)
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I will be naked everywhere
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
