he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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