my vag is so smooth its legendary
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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