We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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