Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
did i just pee glitter
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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