im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
