Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
