girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
