This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
