I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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