Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize