So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
