dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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