This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
