New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
