He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
