Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You pole danced in your parka.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize