Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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