So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
