I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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