I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
