Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
