I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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