I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
