She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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