My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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