dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
