I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize