And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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