I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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