just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
