i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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