I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize