Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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