i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
