I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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