as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
