I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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