I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
