Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
