Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
