Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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