he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
