Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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