I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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